


Help, We've Been Body Swapped!

by roe87



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: (but it's Steve and Bucky so they're already pretty familiar with each other), Avengers Shenanigans, Awkward Flirting, Bickering, Body Swap, Both their secrets are out now, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky has a secret pejazzle, Comic Book Science, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Having to deal with each other's bodies, Humor, M/M, Mild Angst, Non consensual body swap magic, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Random magical villain of the week, Sassy Bucky Barnes, Shy Steve Rogers, Steve and Bucky are basically a couple but haven't discussed it yet, Steve has a secret tattoo, Using humor in awkward situations, battle husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-07 22:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14090805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roe87/pseuds/roe87
Summary: Bucky and Steve get zapped by a random magician, and end up stuck in each other's bodies.Awkwardness and bickering follow.





	Help, We've Been Body Swapped!

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Tiếng Việt available: [Cứu với! Cơ thể tụi tui bị tráo rùi!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15225543) by [thegirl_gcat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl_gcat/pseuds/thegirl_gcat)



> Just for lols.
> 
> Thank you [How_many_OTPs_can_I_have](https://archiveofourown.org/users/How_many_OTPs_can_I_have/pseuds/How_many_OTPs_can_I_have/works?fandom_id=586439) for your help!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I would've tagged this as Teen rating, but because of all the talk about their dongs, and body adornments, I figured a higher rating would be more appropriate.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~~

 

_It’s said that if you met yourself on the street you wouldn’t recognize your own face, because the idea we have in our heads of what we look like is actually very different from the real thing._

 

~~

 

It happened on an ordinary Tuesday, just some run of the mill bad guy that The Avengers flew into the misty mountains of Canada to take down.

They cornered the bad guy in a forest clearing, and it seemed like it'd be a cakewalk. Then suddenly he was throwing magic around, hitting everyone in the team with coloured lightning flashes.

Steve, the big idiot, tried to leap in front of Bucky with his shield to protect him. Bucky knew that he'd get hit next, and he'd be damned if Steve was going to get hit along with him.

He reached out with his metal arm to shove Steve back, just as a flashy pink lightning bolt zapped him and Bucky's world became fizzing brightness.The flash travelled along his metal arm to Steve, before the force of its power knocked them both down on the muddy ground.

Bucky blinked up at the sky, dazed, and on his back. He saw an answering thunder bolt from Thor, driving the magician off before he escaped in a puff of sparkly smoke.

Bucky rolled to his side with a groan, trying to get up.

They'd lost this skirmish, unless the jerk magician reappeared again.

"Steve," he gasped, turning to where Steve was.

Except Steve was in all black clothes. Steve was wearing _Bucky's_ black tac gear.

"What the...?" Bucky choked out, and glanced down at himself. He was mortified to see he now wore the star spangled Captain America uniform, with the shield on his arm.

"Steve, get up," Bucky said. "That asshole swapped our clothes."

Bucky scrambled up, kneeling over Steve to check on him.

Steve rolled onto his back with a muted groan, and Bucky stared at him unblinking, unable to process what he was seeing.

That wasn't Steve, that was _him_.

Or, it looked like him; all long brown hair and gritty stubble, a black domino mask...

And a metal arm.

"Holy shit," Bucky whispered, watching as Steve's, _his_ , eyes opened. "That jerk swapped us."

 

~~

 

"Quit touching my ass," Steve complained, as they sat side by side in the Quinjet.

Nat and Clint were flying them back to base.

Bucky looked at Steve, still weirded out by seeing himself glare back. It was almost like looking in a mirror, something Bucky usually avoided if he could.

"I'm not touching your ass," he replied testily, "I am trying to get comfortable. This ridiculous costume of yours is too fucking tight."

Steve continued to frown at him. "It is not."

"It is so," Bucky argued, wriggling his - _Steve's_ \- ass on the seat to get comfortable. "Your ass is so skinny, Rogers. You need to fatten up, get some meat on you."

Bucky was teasing now, but when he looked over again Steve was still glaring.

"Stop with the frowning, would you? You'll give me wrinkles."

The frown intensified as Steve said, "You frown all the time."

Bucky snorted. "I do not."

"You do so." Steve huffed and got to his feet, walking over to the cockpit.

Bucky watched him walk away, because, hey, it was his ass. He could look if he wanted.

And it actually looked real good in those black tac pants, because Bucky's ass was well rounded, thanks very much.

Steve came stomping back over with a compact mirror.

_Oh, here we go_ , Bucky thought, watching Steve open the compact and frown into it.

"This," Steve turned to frown at Bucky, "is your regular frown, just so you know."

Bucky raised an eyebrow, taunting Steve to go on.

Steve's frown darkened, and he went back to the compact, frowning at himself.

Bucky watched, fascinated. The face looked like his, but it wasn't him.

It was so weird.

"And _this_ ," Steve turned back again, a deeper frown in place, "is your I haven't had coffee yet frown."

"I don't frown," Bucky replied calmly, "I just have a serious resting face."

"A _frowning_ resting face," Steve retorted.

"Your resting face _is_ a frown, Buck-o," Clint called over from the cockpit.

Bucky sighed. He couldn't wait until they were back at the tower, and found Doctor Strange to undo whatever magical mumbo jumbo had happened to them.

He squirmed in the seat again. Steve's stupid costume had given him a wedgie, and the crotch was riding up and rubbing on his dick.

_Steve's_ dick.

Bucky's mind suddenly pinged to all the wrong places.

_Oh, no_.

He had Steve's dick.

"I'm gonna touch your dick," he blurted out, because his brain to mouth filter wasn't working today.

"What?" Steve spluttered, looking at him with a confused frown.

Bucky frowned back, wondering if he really did look that moody when he frowned, or if it was just Steve making it look worse.

"When I pee," Bucky clarified, "I'm gonna have to touch your dick. And, unless Strange is really fucking fast at fixing this, you'll have to touch mine."

Steve's eyes went wide as saucers, and it almost would've been comical except for the fact that it wasn't.

"Oh," he said flatly, clearly thinking that through.

"Yeah," Bucky said, licking his lips.

How would he break the news to Steve about his recent… _addition_. Maybe not say anything? Would that be less weird than just coming out and saying it?

"So," he started, "if you notice the-"

"Just ignore the tattoo!" Steve blurted, making Bucky pause.

"What?" he asked, at the same time Steve looked at him and asked, "Notice the what?"

"What?" Bucky stalled, trying not to grin.

Steve had a secret tattoo, and by the look of sheer mortification on his face, it was something embarrassing.

"Maybe I'll take a leak now," Bucky said, moving to get up. "Check it out for myself."

He yelped in surprise when Steve tackled him to the floor of the Quinjet.

"Steve!" Bucky wrestled back, and they rolled along the floor. "I really _do_ need to pee!"

  
In the cockpit, Clint side eyed Natasha and raised an eyebrow.

"I don't even want to know," Natasha sighed.

   
  
~~

 

Getting back to the safety and comfort of Avengers Tower only lasted as long as Bucky needing to pee.

He went to one room, while Steve went to another.

Then, they met back in the main lounge, and Bucky decided the best way to power through his lingering awkwardness at having seen and touched Steve's enormous cock was to resort to teasing him.

Namely about the black Celtic script he had tattooed over his hip and upper thigh.

Bucky smirked at him. "What's the tattoo say?"

Steve looked alarmed, though as it was Bucky's own face, it was kind of strange to see.

"Nothing," Steve insisted, and then smirked slyly himself. "What's with the stick-on crystals?"

Bucky flushed, though he schooled his features expertly, and shrugged to show how nonchalant he was. (He wasn't.)

"Oh, just a fad. Thought I'd give it a go."

"A vajazzle," Steve supplied, his grin growing.

Bucky laughed, caught off guard by Steve saying such a word.

"How the fuck do you know that, Rogers?"

"I read the internet," Steve said, flopping down on the big couch.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Bucky rolled his eyes, and sat down on the other end of the couch. "And it's a _pejazzle_ ," he corrected. "Obviously."

"Oh, yes, obviously," Steve replied, then cleared his throat.

Bucky's mind wandered back to Steve's tattoo, and he touched his fingers to his hip where it was under the suit.

A silence stretched between them, and suddenly Bucky wondered if Steve was thinking about Bucky and his… pejazzle.

No, surely Steve was too good for that.

Unlike Bucky, whose mind was happy to loiter in the gutter, wondering why Steve had picked a place on his hip -his groin, really- to get tattooed, and was he aware how sexy it looked. _Damn_.

"When did you get it?" he asked.

Steve looked at him blankly. He'd taken off the domino mask, and Bucky noticed how blue his eyes were.

His own eyes, he realised.

"The tattoo," Bucky clarified. "It looks old."

"Oh." Steve's cheeks flushed pink, and it looked very pretty on him. "No, um. Actually only two months ago. But the serum... I have to go back and get it retouched. The serum pushes the ink around too much."

"So, if you left it, it could fade away completely?"

"Probably." Steve shifted, folded his arms, struggling a little with the metal arm. He sighed. "I just wanted to try it."

"It looks nice," Bucky said, before he realised what he was saying. "I mean, you know..."

Steve grinned wolfishly. "Thanks, Buck. Your pejazzle looks great too."

Now it was Bucky's turn to blush. "Yeah, thanks."

"Is it really necessary to shave everywhere for it?" Steve asked.

Bucky grabbed for a cushion, and threw it at Steve's head.

Steve caught it and laughed heartily.

"What's your tattoo say?" Bucky countered, which quickly shut Steve up.

"It's private."

"Aw, c'mon."

"No, Bucky. It's private."

Bucky gave him a look, then reached for his phone and leaned back on the couch. "Guess I'll just snap a photo," he teased, pretending to unbutton his pants.

"No!" Steve yelled, and leapt at him with the cushion while Bucky laughed.

  
~~

 

Doctor Strange arrived shortly after, looked at both Bucky and Steve with one finely arched brow, then slowly waved his hand.

Bucky felt a sort of weird, fizzing sensation, but it was over in the blink of an eye. Just like that, he was back in his own body, the metal arm a familiar weight that he hadn't expected to miss.

He patted himself down, checking he really was in his own body again, before looking over at Steve.

Steve looked back at him, and gave Bucky a watery smile.

"We're okay, Buck."

Bucky smiled at him. "Yeah, we are."

Strange cleared his throat. "I've already dealt with the runaway magician, so you won't get any more trouble out of him."

"Thank you, Doctor," Steve told him. "And thanks for..." He gestured between himself and Bucky. "You know."

Strange's lips quirked into a smile. "The spell would've worn off in a couple days. Until next time." He whirled around to leave, cape swinging out in an arc before he stepped through a portal and disappeared.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Okay, since we're obviously not needed today, I suggest we hit the showers and get some lunch."

Steve smiled. "Sounds good to me."

 

~~

After they'd changed into comfortable clothes and had their super soldier portions of food, they went to Steve's lounge and put their feet up in front of the TV.

Because that's what they usually did if they had time off together and weren't in the mood to go outside of the tower.

Two domestic shut-ins, Bucky had joked once, only for Steve to tell him that they'd spent pretty much most of their time before the war at home together.

Of course they had. Bucky had known that; he remembered enough in patches here and there that he had good idea of how much time they'd _actually_ spent together.

That wasn't the point. The point was, this was the future, and the future had smartphones with dating apps on them, and lots of nosey friends living in the tower asking nosey questions like, when was the last time either of you went on a date?

Bucky just felt anxious about it sometimes, that was all. Like he needed an excuse to spend so much time with Steve, because otherwise...

Otherwise people would talk, or Steve would get suspicious. And Bucky's sole comfort in life would slip through his fingers yet again.

He sat on one end of the couch, nursing a bottle of beer, because fuck it, he needed a beer.

Steve was sketching something on his tablet, sitting on the other end of the couch with an entire cushion of space between them.

Bucky tried to be subtle as he watched Steve drawing, but then his eyes fixed onto that spot on Steve's hip where Bucky knew the tattoo was.

He opened his mouth to ask, when his mental filter kicked in for once in his life, and he decided against it.

He shut his mouth again and tried to watch the TV.

Tried, and failed, as his eyes kept drifting back to Steve, until Steve asked, "What?"

"What?" Bucky echoed, knowing full well what, but stalling for time.

"You look like you wanna say something."

"That's just my resting face," Bucky joked.

Steve chuckled, but he wasn't buying it. He closed up his tablet and shifted to face Bucky. "Come on, Barnes. What's up?"

"I just..." Bucky fiddled with his beer as he mumbled, "Wondered what it said, that's all."

"The tattoo?" Steve guessed.

Bucky nodded, still staring at his bottle. "You don't have to tell me, I just..."

"I'll tell you," Steve said, "if you tell me about the... whatever it's called. Crystal penis, thing."

Bucky snorted a laugh. He knew Steve was teasing; all Bucky'd had done was a hair removal, and then had red, white and blue crystals stuck onto the skin of his lower abdomen in the shape of Captain America's shield, so the design was just above his dick.

And it was only temporary. At least, Bucky hoped so.

"I was in there getting... uh, aromatherapy," Bucky admitted with a blush. "And the beauty therapist is really nice, she was telling me about these trends with the crystals, and showed me the designs. I saw the shield one and, I dunno. It made me grin, and she noticed and she talked me into it."

"She talked you into it," Steve repeated flatly.

Bucky shrugged. "It's temporary. It's just a bit of fun." He drank the last of his beer and set the bottle on the table before he turned to Steve, folding his arms in determination. "I told you mine. Now you tell me yours."

Steve breathed in deep, a faraway look in his eyes. "I wanted something just for me, something private..."

"Oh, Steve, if you didn't really want to tell me-"

"I'm _talking_ , Barnes," Steve said, a wry smile in place. "I got it translated to Irish for the tattoo, but it's something you used to say to me a lot. You know, back then."

"Oh." Bucky felt his face flush hot, and he joked, "Was it, Steve, take out the trash?"

That made Steve laugh, his head rolling back on the couch as he guffawed.

Seeing Steve laugh made Bucky smile, and he relaxed a little.

"Why would I get that tattooed on me?" Steve said, wiping tears away.

"Well, you always needed the reminder," Bucky teased. "You're a slob, Rogers. In fact, you should get it tattooed on the back of your hand, or better yet, on your forehead."

Steve went to whack him with a cushion, and Bucky snickered as he blocked it.

"Shut up, Barnes." Steve settled back down, and hugged the cushion to his chest. "You know what it is."

Bucky swallowed, and looked down at the couch cushion between them.

He couldn't speak, his nerves getting the better of him, but he nodded.

The silence stretched on, and then Steve lifted his arm up in silent invitation.

Bucky slid across the couch, leaning into his side, resting his head on Steve's broad chest.

Steve's arm settled over his shoulders, pulling him in closer, and Bucky exhaled as he closed his eyes.

 

_I'm with you 'till the end of the line._

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ~~
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Here is [a rebloggable post on tumblr](https://jro616.tumblr.com/post/172317881325/help-weve-been-body-swapped) for the fic.
> 
> I am on [tumblr](http://jro616.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/jro616).


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